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1) You phone the proprietor of a local club seeking a "gig." You're told, "We're all booked up - call back in four or five months."
You:
 A) Call back the next day
 B) Call back five minutes later
 C) Call back in four to five months
 D) Scream "Up yours!" into the receiver and then go on a drunken rampage - a rampage which, in the end, results in a call to your employer the next morning: "I... can't come in to work today... I'm... sick."

2) You're contacted by colleagues from another local band. They're inviting you to share a bill with them. It's a benefit, for a dubious cause, on a week night. You won't be paid.
You:
 A) Say you'll think about it and promise to get back to them, and then unplug the phone.
 B) Throw a benefit in your own honor.
 C) Jump at the chance to "gain some exposure," and sign up.
 D) Scream "Eat me!" into the receiver and then go on a drunken rampage, a rampage which, in the end, results in a call to work the next morning: "I... can't come in to work today... I'm... sick."

3) You're about to take the stage. You're approached by a fellow musician who introduces himself and then inquires as to whether he could "jam with you."
You:
 A) Tell him, "Sure, how about the last song?" and then later renege on your promise, claiming you "ran out of time."
 B) Promptly kick him in the scrotum, hard, and then run in the other direction.
 C) Invite him up to share in a beautiful musical experience, during which you pour your heart and soul into a blues jam of epic proportions.
 D) Tell him "Sure, but you have to sing lead on a song called Touch Po Po," and then arrange for him to be naked and alone on the stage, singing Touch Po Po.

4) You're on stage, singing. Your enunciation emphasizes the dramatic content of your lyrics. You come upon a lyric which makes frequent use of the letter "F." A long spittle of drool flies out of your mouth and nestles along the bottom of your chin. Everyone sees.
You:
 A) Keep singing as if nothing happened.
 B) Wipe the drool off your chin with the back of your hand, and then smear it on your pants.
 C) Excuse yourself and repair to the lavatory for a good face washing.
 D) Smear the drool all over the mic - a treat for the singer of the next band.

5) You're on stage, halfway through your set. About 40 seconds into one of your favorite songs, you break your "D" string. Your instrument is wildly out of tune.
You:
 A) Keep playing as if nothing happened (sending the tune into total discord).
 B) Find one string that IS in tune, and, using that, play occasional notes here and there
 C) Stop the song abruptly, apologize to the audience, take the time to either switch instruments or change strings, and then start again from the beginning.
 D) Take the instrument off, whip it around in circles over your head, change the lyrics, and scream at the top of your lungs.

6) You're thumbing through an industry publication, hoping for some informative reading. You happen across a full-page advertisement for an upcoming music convention. Tickets providing "full access" to events are $400.
You:
 A) Turn the page, instantly forgetting what the ad said
 B) Remark to one of your bandmates, "Yeah... like I'm paying four hundred dollars to go to that fucking thing!"
 C) Promptly purchase a ticket in the hopes that you might leverage the opportunity to forge a number of long-lasting industry contacts.
 D) Call the organizers -- pretending to be a famous local DJ, and tell them to "Drop trou and bend over"

7) One of your bandmates is being honored by a birthday fete. You'd like to bring a gift, but you're short on funds.
You:
 A) Say to your bandmate, "Dammit! I have a present for you, but I forgot to bring it" and then, as the days pass by, hope she forgets.
 B) Purchase a six-pack, and hand it to her in a brown paper bag.
 C) Bring an acoustic guitar to the party and sing a specially written song to your bandmate - musically acknowledging the enormous amount of love and respect you feel for her.
 D) Give your bandmate the biggest, baddest wedgie of all time.

8) One of your bandmates introduces a new song. You hate it.
You:
 A) Create a diversion, saying, "I know! Let's play some cover tunes!"
 B) Shake your head, stare at the floor, and hope the whole thing blows over.
 C) Tactfully recommend that you all "sit down and examine the strengths and weaknesses of the song" - in the hopes that you will all become newly inspired and shed new light on the song's arrangement.
 D) Opine "This song sucks!" and blow smoke in your bandmate's face.

9) You're mid-set. The club owner thinks you're too loud. She asks you to turn down.
You:
 A) Turn down a little
 B) Go up to your amp and touch the volume knob, pretending to turn down
 C) Turn your amp down to "1," instruct your drummer to switch from sticks to brushes, and play your "un-loud" set.
 D) Turn up. Then, debut your new instrumental, Feedback Asylum.

10) It's time to load out.
You:
 A) Start moving equipment as fast as you can, thinking: "Let's get this over with"
 B) Claim that you "can't lift any equipment" because your "back is out," and "the doctor said not to lift anything heavier than five pounds."
 C) Produce your hand-drawn packing schematic - ensuring the van is loaded up in a manner that makes the most efficient use of the space available.
 D) Watch your bandmates do all the lifting--they refuse to let you near their instruments after the famous "Equipment Bowling" incident.

11) Your band is in rehearsal. You're running through your set. Your bandmates tell you the tempo is wavering--you're "rushing things."
You:
 A) Nod your head, smiling, eyes glazed over, and say "Uh huh..."
 B) Blame it on the lights, the temperature, and the lack of beer.
 C) Acknowledge your concern by asking for everyone's understanding and patience--you and the bass player need to spend fifteen to twenty minutes locking together more tightly on the downbeat.
 D) Tell your bandmates that they're fat and old, and that they need to drink more coffee.

12) It's a Sunday night. Your band is scheduled to rehearse. You're tired, and it's pouring rain outside.
You:
 A) Tell your bandmates that you're sick... really... no fooling around... and, you can't practice.
 B) Arrange to postpone practice, and rehearse on a different night (either the next day, or the day after.
 C) Put on your yellow raincoat and brave the elements - it's important that the band not get rusty. Practice makes perfect!
 D) Suggest to your bandmates "Fuck practice - let's watch reruns and get blitzed!"